This just in: Human Beings Reach New Low in Intelligence.
Reuters journalist Robert Muir has uncovered what I believe to be the final blow against what used to be considered one of the most intelligent races of the known universe. Muir's exquisite 2-page, short form essay entitled
"Thirsty plants can Twitter for water with new device" truly defines a world gone mad with science.
Using state-of-the-art technology that is sure to have cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in grant money, researchers at NYU developed a way for a plant to tell its owner, via Twitter, that it was thirsty. Not only that but other technological revolutions have taken place in the daring experiment in which scientists matched each plant with its
supposedly correct vocal intonations:
"Each plant had a 'voice' to match the plant type, such as the Scottish moss, which had a Scottish accent."Even more disturbing is the fact that more than 2,300 people on Twitter are subscribed to one of the researchers plants,
Pothos. I believe today is the day that I am now the only one without a Twitter account...

Pictured above: Pothos
Are you also not a media whore? Do you also not have a Twitter account? Let me know in the comments! There are sure to be very few of us still around.